Theoretically, last night should have brought me the best sleep that I have had in some time, after hearing a jury’s guilty verdict of the man who ruined my daughter so long ago.
As I lay there in darkness with buds tightly squeezed into each ear playing Ben Bonetti’s “Hello Spider” meditational gig, I began to think about the Pedophile’s family (he has a wife and two children the same age as my own), and was overcome with grief.
Over the last few years, I’ve seen his wife various times in passing- on the news, and other places associated with the common denominator between us; there are ill feelings in the air during each of these instances, almost naturally. I have watched the Pedophile’s aged and decrepit mother hobble up and down three floors with her cane to trial so many times I couldn’t count them if I tried; I have seen the toll taken in the faces of his kids as they have become young adults, just like my own has; I have watched his family disintegrate into dust amidst the chaos of what he has done.
These things do not give me a sense of peace or fairness in any way…two shocked and completely torn children who stopped showing up at trial days altogether about halfway through…the jolly smile gradually fading altogether from his ancient, crippled mother’s face…the last string of hope attached to his poor wife’s perception of his innocence just falling away into nothingness…
the many scenes that would undoubtedly be enacted most dramatically for a movie; the parts in which the viewers would be pumping fists and shouting “Yeah! That’s what they get!”
But reality tells me differently now… “they” don’t deserve this at all. They have been victimized also (especially the kids) and have been also been permanently damaged and traumatized by the actions of their’ Pedophile father. His wife, who stood by her man for years before finally becoming so jaded and embittered by the proverbial “bag” that she was left to hold after her husband was arrested, she has been traumatized as well by the causes and effects of her husband’s Pedophilia; she has truly been changed in many ways by this circumstance – and I am not even someone who knows her, but it’s that apparent, even to a stranger, how heavy her burden weighs in on her back – it shows in her face, her disappointment and shame…and, that isn’t fair – she isn’t the Pedophile. Last night, I found myself wondering about her; about what she was doing in response to this news that has lifted my spirits to new heights yesterday…what thoughts was she spending her night playing out through her tired mind?
Anyway, I am obviously relieved beyond words that he has been convicted of many counts (not just Boo), but the verdict and its permanence holds more facets carved into its surface than I had originally been prepared for, I guess.


Published by

Americana Injustica


14 thoughts on “Thoughts.”

  1. Having followed your blog for some time now, I can’t help but notice the chill that crept across my skin as I read this and realized that I would have been one of the ones pumping my fist in the air and then feeling horrified as your obvious compassion for its (I’m sorry, I have a difficult time using a pronoun that gives human qualities to a beast) family.

    Justice, sadly enough, is not a kind master. There is always a wake of disaster, and unfortunately the pieces of fallen and there are so many people left to clean up the mess. But I know, that’s what all of its victims will do…they will clean, rebuild and move on. And they will have knowledge of the evils of the world that will make them less comfortable trusting again.

    But there is obvious strength in what you write, strength that will see you through, and hopefully in the grand scheme of life, be an example to your daughter, as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sweetie,
      You, being you, carry tremendous weight with this message; rebuilding is the only option other than laying down to die. Your support has been actively healing as part of my own initial stages of my own rebuild, “Officer”; and I appreciate you very much. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This has been a terribly long, and terrible long struggle, and heartbreak for you, having your daughter victimized and hurt by this animal. All the anger built up in you is so natural, and to be expected.
    Yet, your compassion and sensitivity really come across as you look at the remaining family members and see their hurt also, and probably the disgust they also have; his poor elderly Mom, wife and kids.
    Whatever it may take, I do hope healing will come to you and your daughter, and Boo will regain her real life and get away from what she is entrapped in.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for taking the time to send your energies and sentiments, George; it has been Hell for me – and continues to be Hell for Boo unless or until she can get some real support and healing in her days ahead. Your encouragement is very much welcomed and appreciated. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey there, you just inspired me to write a post. I hope you don’t mind my referencing you in my post? I know all too well these feelings you describe because I feel the very same towards my abuser’s daughter. Feeling torn between justice for what was done and the disaster that it inevitably leaves behind. If only it were easy and you could have justice without affecting those who were not involved.

    Take care


    1. Hi. Thank you for reading and responding. I’m always very happy to find others who can relate, despite the ugliness of the circumstances. Be well and all my healing energies to you in your days ahead. Hugs


  4. What a bittersweet moment, for as you have well documented this is not over for you, or your daughter. He has ruined or changed lives and no justice can change that.
    I greatly admire your clarity of vision. I too have always said that the paedophile is the only one I bear a grudge towards, not his wife who didn’t see what was happening, nor the authorities who let us all down, only him.
    I’m glad this page is closed for you. I hope, in time Boo gets help. I am in awe of your strength each time I read.

    Liked by 1 person

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